Exodus: Movie Review

Sadly there is only a review for this movie to express my total dislike for it. 

Fret not my Jesus lovers. It is perfectly okay for me to not like this movie because it had absolutely nothing to do with the Moses story in the Bible. I mean, don't get me wrong, they took the plagues and names from the Bible but that was just copyright. If they'd had given this movie a different name...maybe...The Battle of Kings. Or...maybe...Run From Pharaoh. Or...and I'm just throwing out some names here...When F'd Up Stuff Happens - Pray. It would have been perfect. Good action, and good...um...wait for it...I'm trying to think of  something else that was good about this movie. Oh I got it, actors. Christian Bale and Joel Edgerton. Two of my favorite actors. These two were the reason I wanted to see this movie. I read the Bible on the regular so I already knew what the story was supposed to be, so no biggy I thought. The acting was good up to the point Joel Edgerton (from Warrior) was required to say the line "I am God". Gosh, you can tell he was uncomfortable saying it. And he had to repeat which was not better the second time around. But I can't blame him for that. I'd be uncomfortable shooting those words too.

It was extremely hard for me to get into this movie. And I'm not the person who walks out of movies or will put down a book only because I can't get into it. I'll keep my hopes high until the last page or the ending credits. Um...

My words are at a halt because I also do not like to bash. So I'll wrap this up with the ups and then I'll put in my total down.

UP: Funniest part of the movie. Moses got to the red sea and I think it was Aaron who asked him if he knew where they were. (Obviously because they were lost). Moses's response was "Yes! We are at a point on the earth where there is a sea in front of us and an army behind us!" He was pissed, I was laughing, and the people in the theater thought I had lost it. (Obvious answers crack me up. Like duh, I know you know I don't know where we are. Why would you require a response from me at a time such as this.)

UP: This movie unlike others mentioned Aaron. Many movies about this story fail to mention Aaron. Though the mention of him was incorrect...they at least said his name.

UP: It had great actors. 

Ultimate Fail: Moses was not an asshole, Writer! He did not just go around killing people for the hell of it. He killed one Egyptian because he did not like the way he was whipping one of the Hebrew slaves. He fled Egypt out of fear of being caught for killing that Egyptian. Moses was a humble man who happened to be afraid when God spoke to him from a burning bush NOT a boy. He also was insecure and did not find himself adequate enough to work for God. He felt himself to be insufficient in many ways but the main couple was leading and convincing. Because he thought he could not speak well enough, God appointed Aaron as his talking person. (that's not the exact word but you know what I mean.) I hate that they made Moses out to be this heartless killer who was selfish and non-caring and argumentative and unhumble and a total ass. It got so bad, that I hated this poor excuse of a character who was supposed to be a replica of someone in the Bible because they named this movie after a book of the Bible, that when the red sea returned (from not being parted but just totally nonexistent) I wanted Pharaoh and Moses to die. Not bashing, just saying it was pretty bad. And Moses nor Pharaoh died.

All in all this movie was weird. I guess I didn't like it because I don't like when Hollywood takes a perfectly good story and turns into...shit. Sorry but seriously I was incredibly disappointed. Sorry if I offended anyone with my post. But being a heavy Bible reader and confused when people take a person and turn that good person into a horrible person. I do not like that. It doesn't even have to be from the Bible, just stories in general.

Okay, because I have said what I had to say. Let me now go forward and say I understand why they change stories most times. They change it to make it interesting and to make a scene we are familiar with unpredictable (Take Breaking Dawn Part 2 for example). But Hollywood, some stories you should not change so heavily. But who am I but a story teller. What do I know. 

In case you want to know what really happened to Moses and Pharaoh and Egypt and the Hebrews and Moses wife's dad, and the burning bush (Where that angered mean little boy did not exist - and God was not an Ahole. He was understanding and patient with Moses - seriously who wouldn't freak out if a burning bush that was not burning started talking to you claiming to be God. God didn't do all that yelling at Moses like they made it seem in the movie.), and Moses's sister, and get no info at all from that bald man with that long beard (he's over there >>). Check out Exodus chaps 1 - 15 which covers most the of the movie. The ending seemed to be the journey. Which, if you read the rest of the book of Exodus it will fill you in. Or email me and I'll give you a legitimate run down, though that does not make up for you reading it yourself. The Bible has some very interesting stories though. Seriously, check it out. It's got loads of betrayal (For us that likes that kind of thing - I do) Romance, dishonestly, dysfunctional families (we all know how much I love those - Have you read Burdened), Action- War- Battles (We all love action, seriously- My books are full of it), self-help (those who like that), Sex (Grey's Anatomy in KJV. Awww - LMBO no, no, there is no erotica.) I probably shouldn't have said that. But God's gotta sense of humor believe me. It's comedy all through the Bible. I read something about babbling the other day. (You'll understand when you read it) 

All in all - I'm not going to rate this movie. I would have preferred to stay home and read a book or write one. Again, it is not because it was a bad movie, had I not read the Bible and know the story I may possibly feel different. But because I do and I do... I don't. And...they so just did not include the staff. HOW DARE THEY NOT INCLUDE THE STAFF...SMH

Stay tuned for Into the Woods Movie Review.