My selfish rant

The talk of bodily function, failure of organs (by the name in detail), bones, and the mention of the word "Fluid" in conjunction with the brain, lungs, or stomach leaving the body in ways they aren't supposed to like through tubes or small cuts (in which small cuts, like from paper, are not supposed to leak fluid) or worse, within the body. But hearing it or reading it makes my stomach cringe and unfortunately makes the outer corner of my eyes hitch to avoid a the burn of tears. 

And I start feeling sorry for those who unfortunately are obligated to deal with things like that. 

Then I hate feeling sorry for people because that shit is selfish and one wants to hear that. I know that for a fact because I've experienced my own inconveniences that life decides to shit on you and make you smell like and look like it has put you through the winger. And I hated the faces of pitty and sorrowful eyes that wanted to cry for mine. Or worse than that, the cold rub of hands on my tensed and tightened shoulders as they said; I'm sorry, it's okays, things will get better. And my favorite, the one that made me smile was "if you don't die, you'll be able to walk around in the future saying, I didn't die." 

Anyway in my rant I realized just how much I like and dislike this book and how it makes me feel horrible (cringing from words like lungs filling with fluids and tubes sticking out of my stomach attached to a bag and more of cringe) and make me feel fine (smiling from scenes of soft touches and gazing stares with heart warming smiles). 

Then I realize how selfish I continue to be but how much I want to give back to everyone that has everything and everyone that doesn't, then everyone who you can give everything to but then realize no matter what you give or how much you give...they will still have nothing. (Major sad face) 

But, as I continue with my selfish rant. This book, makes you realize how much time you waste and I quote "What a slut time is. She screws everybody." And of course as one thought leads to others, I no longer want to waste time. Honstly nobody should. 

Damn this book. I will not be seeing the movie because I hate seeing things that make me sad or miserable but happy at the same time. I don't get it. (Exaggerated sigh)

My rant has concluded and even though I've vented it off my chest... 

I don't feel any m better. Maybe because audible is still reading to me this book. 

Sorry for me using up this incredible space where I could have talked about books, or movies, maybe fashion, to rant on about my feeling in this book. But that happened. 

But uh, this pic is really beautiful. Reminds me of Marc's eyes from Diminish.


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